drinking sparkling water and watching the lemon seeds bounce up and down inside the bottle. i don't know how they rise and fall so suddenly.

and i'm waiting for your reply.

and how could you shrug me off like that. i just let down a wall, floodgate, empire, that i had been building since the first time i laid eyes on you. and in return i get complete and utter apathy and ignorance. and i regret telling you.

now you're waiting for my reply.

and the thing is, in your response, you give evidence that makes me doubt what you say. but, i love love, so i'll believe you. this time and everytime afterward. and i guess i'm trying to say is that i'll never know what to say, i don't know what i'm doing, i have a lot of baggage, i'm so not perfect, i'm a mess, i'm a wretch, i can get jealous too easily, i'll keep things from you not because i want to but i don't want you to think i'm such a mess, and i can't turn back now.

no one said plunging in head-first felt good. in fact, there are warnings about how it's usually not a good idea. and it's true. because i've become paralyzed.

and i think that i just live out-of-focus. and i'll let that be my last psuedo-profound thing i say.

2 posts in one day. cause i have no life. but love.