http://freewayfortunecookie.blogspot.com/

oh me, oh my. these girls are truly wonderful. i love their ideals.

kara and i did something similar to this once, we sat in downtown homewood with a sign that said "you are beautiful". i'm sure not a lot of people saw it because it wasn't written terribly big like their signs. but i would like to think that someone saw it, and it helped them. i'm inspired. and will probably make more signs and hold them up so drivers/bikers/folks on foot can read them.

incedentally, i am reading Sylvia Plath's unabbriged journals. good stuff. the woman writes with such visuality. and she's so honest. it seems like every woman should be like her. i mean, to me atleast, she seems like the ideal woman. which is a little weird, but it's better than idolizing some actress who thinks they can make it as a singer as long as they collaberate with the right record producer.

the world is not a cold dead place.

ooohh i am overwhelmed. i am amazed.
can't quite think straight right now, i'm just so captivated by everything.
this is it. this is it. this is it.
this is it.
my mind cannot really function when i start thinking along those lines. it goes haywire. everything starts running around at record-breaking speeds and it's all jumbled up. i'm not ready. i'm so ready. i am excited and i am dread. but this is it. i'm doing the best i can. i wish it were simpler, but it's really just myself that complicates anything. nothing is even bothering me besides the fact that time needs to move faster and slower. at the same time, which would mean that time needs to run at it's normal pace. which it is. so what's the problem? i don't know. i'm just restless and i need to be moving and i need to be laying still.
i am contradiction.


but you said you would wait. you said. you will wait. and i'm lucky. lucky that you spoke up(when i didn't have words), lucky that you're patient(when i can't even wait for myself), lucky that you aren't scared(when i am frightened).
who wrote this? surely this isn't just life playing itself out. too. good. too. be true.

be the change you want

it goes without saying, but i'll say it anyways:
wild sweet orange was so, so good last night. what a great night.

i feel so lucky and blessed to be a part of their experience. or atleast be able to witness it. i think there's just something about their band that is so personal and allows people to connect so easily with their music. listening to their album, i'm proud of them, but it could be a lot better. i think it's just because their live shows have so much energy and to just hear a studio recording bums me out. but hey, congratulations to them for putting out their first album and becoming so recognized. i mean, letterman, esquire... they are hitting the big time i feel like.

though i have to point out: i was recognized in the Thank You's in the album sleeve. kind of. they thank the Buckley's. which essentially is just my brother, dad, and me. and my mom i suppose, although she is a Slade now.



in other news, this life is great. i am living. i am alive. and it feels better than i ever imagined.

the ghost of you lingers

it's strange to see people i care about go on living without me. to see them getting on with their life and watching them move on.
but it feels good to know that i'm getting along without all the people i left.

roughly 17 days left of my summer.
i have two sets of bookcards to do and one and a half books to read.
why did i wait? why do i always wait?
procrastination is a sickness.

Stars is sounding pretty good right now.

on the road

i miss being on the road (or in the sky if you want to get technical). but i really miss traveling.
although last month was stressful packing, flying (with a baby), unpacking, packing, flying again (with the same baby, only a week older). unpacking, and repeat. minus the baby this time. and i always end up missing people. but i'm feeling extremely restless. i really want to go on another trip. i was just reading an old article in the new york times about various hiking trails in the south and i desperately wish my parents would allow me to go on just a weekend hiking trip. i would even settle going with my family. i just want to pack up and go for a while.
even though i have still been packing almost every weekend, but that is only to go across town to stay with my dad. not what i'm yearning for.
well, at least next summer i'm going to europe. only 11 months to go.

don't stray

and each day just keeps getting better and better.
and i'm reminded that every day is one day less.
and i can't quit thinking about how much i'll miss this summer.
and how much i'm going to miss new friends.
and i hate school and so many people there.
and i am scared.
and i am not ready.
wait.

i can do this. day by day. i'll take my time.

Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust

this new Sigur Rós album is so, so good. it makes my soul feel good.
and the music video for "Gobbledigook" is probably one of the best music videos. my favorite without a question. it's on youtube, but you can't watch it if you're under 18. but it's also on their website. plus it's better quality on their website anyways. go watch it.

man, this is good music. i wish i knew Icelandic so i knew the lyrics. but then again, their music doesn't even need recognizable words, it's beautiful enough without understanding the lyrics.

now it's smoke.

"you keep saying the past is not dead,
well stop and smell the smoke"



my best pair of headphones have blown out.
and my computer's speakers are about to, too.

i started playing my piano again today after a few weeks of absence. i have finally gotten down the few songs i had been trying to get. now i need to find new ones to work on..

i'm making themed mix CDs again. i had honestly forgotten how much i truly missed making each playlist carefully and taking time to find the right songs and put them in the perfect order. i think this is a good "therepy" for me.
never under estimate a good mix.

if anyone wants one or has a suggestion for a theme, let me know.
also, if anyone's selling an ipod, let me know.

You have all the prayers of my loose heart.

"no but i, i won't hold you anymore
no and i, i can't have you anymore"

Don't come.

let me push another movie onto all of you:
Czech Dream.
i really can't explain it without giving away a lot of details, but i promise within the first 5 minutes, it's all explained anyways, but i won't spoil the end or anything.
it is a true story. this is a documentary of it.
two guys are in film school and this was their final project.
they create a hypermarket(a supermarket just bigger) and put out ads, commercials, everything that a normal store would do for promotion. they hire graphic designers and advertising agencies. i mean, the real deal. but, there is no store. they just build the front wall. so they want to see how many people will get hyped up and come to the grand opening of the make-believe store.
it's incredible interesting and amusing. i mean, it's slightly different because they're in the Czech Republic, so i know the outcome would be different in America. but it would be like all the hype for the iPhone and people will sit outside all night for one. but in this movie, there would be no iPhone. and everyone just waited for nothing.
i strongly suggest this movie. and it really did happen. it was in 2003.


summer is running out.
i need to work on my assignments.
i'm sadly behind.
along with the school year creeping up, so is insomnia.
i really hate not being able to fall asleep.
but, along with insomnia comes writing. i find myself writing some decent pieces in the early morning hours.
let's hope the inspiration lasts, but more sleep comes.


also, new musical obsession: m. ward

essentials

i love lists.
this is by far, my favorite list of all time.

List of Essentials
by Jack Kerouac

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside your own house
4. Be in love with your life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yrself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You're a Genius all the time
30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

i have a typewritten copy of this list that i take everywhere with me. i tend to just re-read it when i'm bored or need inspiration.
lately, i've forgotten about it and i remembered it tonight. and i fell in love all over again. with this list, with Kerouac. i would read On the Road again, but i lent it out. so i started to read Satori in Paris again. i think one of my greatest wishes would be to meet him. it's like when people ask "who would you want to eat dinner with dead or alive" or something like that, i would pick Kerouac. he is a wonder.

Hpv, chicken pox, hep A, ect.

i went to the doctor's office today and received five shots. i walked in there under the impression i was only getting one. but no. i got 5. and a finger prick. but see, it wouldn't be as big of a deal, except i HATE shots. and they make me feel incredible faint. even just seeing other people get them. and after i got the 5th one everything started getting tingly and tunnleing. and i couldn't hear anything except my own breathing which it started becoming hard to breathe.
and the nurse giving to me was very old. which scared me. i mean, i would be scared to have a really young nurse of course. but this woman's voice shaked so i was just scared. and after the shots she said she could tell when people were about to faint by looking at them, which was a lie because i was about to and she said i wasn't.
also, there was a kid in the other room who may or may not have been doing a Bill Cosby impression, but he was spot-on either way. hilarious.

Bitter (adj.):

1. characterized by intense antagonism or hostility

how appropriate that i am defining "Negative (Anger)" terms right now.
this is the only time i have been thankful or slightly enjoyed my summer work.

seven hilarious things about Miley Cyrus's new music video

what have teenage girls become? what are they going to become?
describing the relationship as "awesome".
oh but the REALLY funny things that got me:
1. the "shut up" whispers
2. the fact that when she counts off before the song starts, she's off.
3. her voice does not even sound good in some parts. the record producers' computers are losing their touch apparently.
4. "if you text it, i'll delete it"
5. the seven things are incredibly vague.
6. how the video/song is attempting to be punk or whatever. good lord. c'mon. stick to pop.
7. lastly, it just automatically makes me laugh when i hear 15-year-olds say they are in love.

HA! i sure did need this. thank you Miley Cyrus for the good laugh, thank you.

rest in peices

a brilliant light disturbs my darkness
quickly i learn it is my phone
my hopes rise...
but it was just notifying me that my battery is low.


bitterness.

Does anybody want to take me home?

oh, ryan adams, oh. you, sir, could sing for me all my life and i would never ask you to pause.
i cannot seem to separate myself from his music.
current ryan adams obsession song: "touch, feel, & lose"



as for postsecret this week, i was pleased.
especially for this secret.
i thought i was the only one.
it's always nice to know you are not alone...without even having to say anything.

my thoughts keep running in my head.
they fall, exasperated.
defeated just by the single thought of you.

let me go.
come and find me.

steps for feeling sorry for yourself

1. find object of affection
2. pine after said object of affection
3. pursue him or her
4. become saddened by thinking the feelings are left un-returned
5. feel hopeless
6. try to gain hope, but find trouble
7. pay more attention and realize feelings may be returned
8. become hopeful
9. become sure of yourself
10. find happiness
11. find solace.
12. think you're lucky
13. bliss
14. start to think object of affection not so great
15. explain thoughts to friends
16. listen to friends' advice that you do care about object of affection
17. begin to lack hope again
18. have a good night with him or her
19. gain hope
20. notice things and realize, they truly aren't so great.
21. put it past you
22. feel good
23. realize that said flaws are major flaws.
24. remind yourself, everyone is flawed.
25. stay put until further instruction...




damn it.