i fear that this body is so constricting.

i forgot how cold it got in the winter.
i don't mean that literally.
everything is so much darker in these months.
and i know.
i know i'm going back to my old ways.
because i already have plans to.
swear i'm the worst person i know. the most confused. and so, so lost.
why, winter, why?

i would give so much just for it to be summer again.
although my efforts will not yield that, i'm going to give anyways.
i have to get rid of all this baggage. literal and emotional.

i hope you know i blame you for all of this. and yet, i'd drop it all for you, and you still make me smile like i've never known, and still i think we could, and still i have hope. i couldn't help but ask about you the other day. and i hurt when i heard you don't say much about me anymore. i was blind and i'm sorry. i did rather enjoy our conversation in the hall the other day though. things don't change.