bittersweet day

started off good.
-urban standard
-what's on 2nd?
-took some photos around my backyard and my neighbor's yard and house.
-sat outside in the rain shower
-listened to new CDs
and then it took a turn for the worse.
i forgot i had to press this one button on my camera before winding it backwards, so i thought the film was stuck or something so i opened it and of course, that means the film was exposed, and then it just exploded and the whole 5 feet or whatever of film came out and it's just ruined. which really upset me because i was excited to develop that roll. so i ran around my house yelling profanities and attempted strangling myself with the film. but then the rage subsided to sadness and i just sat moping around, staring longingly at the film and trying to come up with another creative way to use it.
and then i just decided, if you fall off the horse, you have to climb back on. so i put new film in my camera and took some more pictures. which is exciting because the film has been expired for 13 years, and i am interested to see how that will turn out. so i'll probably get that developed tomorrow. if none of the pictures turn out, then oh well, i've suffered bigger losses (see above).
i shouldn't care so much? but i do. i can't help it. i know i would've had some really good pictures from the roll that screwed up. plus it was a big roll, 36 exposures. but it's my fault. get over it katharine.


not to mention i saw two ghosts of my past today walking down the street. i really hope they are enjoying their lives. truly, i do. i hope that they LIKE the fact that they are fake and phony. i hope they are comfortable with the fact that they are superficial and shallow. and i hope they take solace in the fact that they are both terrible friends and no one sticks around for long. so long as you both like that, then you'll have all the satisfaction you'll ever need.

in hindsight, there is not one single solitary thing i miss. and that's the truth.