take it slow, take it easy on me, shed some light, shed some light on it please

don't. please, don't do this to me. i cannot handle any thing else to go wrong at this point, seeing as my life is a hurricane. i can't. so don't. just...don't, please. i don't want to admit it, but i need you. more than you're aware. i need some stability in my life. you've been there, patient and waiting. and i don't know why you doubt now. i'm sorry if i made you feel any less of who you are. that's why i kept what i did for so long, and why i couldn't find the right words to explain. don't leave me stranded. i just want you next to me, so don't walk away. no, please, don't.
I don't know what to call this.


i've been increasingly people-watching lately. i feel so interested in stranger's lives. in the least weird way of course. i mean, every day, someone has the best day of their life. every day, someone cries out in sorrow. every day, someone is in love. every day, someone is rejected from love. to me, that is some kind of heart ache. sometimes when i read Post Secret or Find of the Day, i feel like i am harboring that person's secret now. but it feels good. it feels personal. i think those websites are great, just because now in the world, it is impersonal and no one wants to get "too close" and that causes some nasty things to happen. i mean, obviously anyone who sends a post card in to Post Secret, cannot tell anyone else. for one reason or another, they have no one they can trust their secret with. and sometimes i read one, and i just can't breathe. it's such an indescribable feeling i get. and i want my life to mean more. and i want to mean more. and i want everyone to mean more to everyone. everyone has a story. stories are no excuses for anything, but still, everyone has one. and i mean there are well over a billion people in this world. imagine all their lives. just thinking about that, and typing it, i am overwhelmed. and i want to know. i want to hear the people's tragedies and the people's ecstasy.

and so instead of writing an essay for English class, i've been reading all the "Finds of the Day".


"The disision I made eats away at my very soul. I do not know how much longer I can standiteach day gets harder and harder. I don't know why it's so hard I know I did what I thought was right. This most likely the most embarassing part about it... I can't stop dreaming about you. I try to think of anyone or anything else. I can't get you out of my mind. I don't even know why I'mm writing this I'm never going to give it to you. I"

raw regret and heartache. gosh.